About ten years ago I went through a bad break up. We cared about each other, but we were terrible together. Often times it felt like being with me was better for her than being alone.
I finally walked away after 3 years of off and on dating and near constant fight. When it was over, I shut down. I hid away.
When the weather was good, I was fishing or hiking. The hiking would be a one off hike, so more than anything I was doing a lot of fishing.
When I got off work, I would fish. When I had the day off I would fish. When I was fishing I would think about how I could disappear.
I’ve always battled with depression. My ex was a big cause of some of the depression I dealt with. I didn’t realize that at the time. But she brought up everything bad about me and really held every mistake against me.
Finally one day I decided I had to get out. I had to get out of that town. I had to disappear. I hadn’t realized I had already disappeared.
In a town of 3500 people, nobody had seen me. Nobody knew where I had gone. I went next door to talk to my neighbor one day, and she hadn’t seen me in 6 months. I was gone.
I tried a couple bouts of driving truck over the road. This wasn’t for me. It was good, and I enjoyed it, but it wasn’t for me.
Finally my escape came, my cousin was moving to Nebraska from Indiana and asked me to go along. Shoot yeah, I was going to go to Nebraska and disappear.
After about 2 months of planning, I left. Funds were tight and I had some repairs to make on the truck, but I left town with $65 in my pocket and headed west. He was paying gas if I would pull the trailer. DEAL!
After two days we finally made it to a nearly 600 acre ranch 30 miles from town. Nobody knew me, nobody cared I was there. I had disappeared. I could move on.
Just over a year later I met my wife. My disappearance turned into what is now 6 years of marriage and 3 awesome kids. I don’t really want to disappear anymore. When the urge comes up, I always want them to go.
There is no harm in wanting to disappear to find yourself. It’s a chance to get to know yourself. I learned what my dreams were, and I learned how to achieve them. More importantly I learned that I wasn’t so bad. I had made mistakes, but I wasn’t bad. To be honest, I’m a darn good husband and dad.